Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Memorial Days Past and Present


MEMORIAL DAY 1957

White sky, shimmering as it salutes the day of commemoration.
Decoration Day, 1957
Begins at the court house in Dixon
With Taps and an echo.

Old men and young men,
Proud men and broken men,
Sit with their families and friends,
Sweltering in the early morning heat.
They gather in thankfulness,
Or sorrow,
Or both.

Memories of the Great War are carried with pride.
Memories of the Not So Great War are carefully tucked away,
In secret pains that no bottle can erase.
But they try.

I long to see a maple tree leaf turn inside out.
I pray for a storm as sweat drips into my eyes.
Carefully, my lips meet the mouthpiece
And I begin to play Taps.

MEMORIAL DAY 2012

An old man sits alone,
Eight thousand feet above sea level.
Appreciating white-framed peaks
Seen through pine tree filters.
Crisp breezes temper the sun’s heat.

Sixty-eight years of memories
Spread out against the rocks.
Good memories and painful ones,
Examined with white gloved care.

High country silence,
Accompanied by an occasional Mountain Jay,
Frame his celebration of peace,
His celebration of solitude,
His celebration of his life so far.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Memorial Day and Memory Books


I wonder if funeral homes still have those Memory Books at the door for people to sign. I know Jackie Einstein had a couple of books—one for names and addresses, the other for messages anyone wanted to leave to her and the rest of Walter’s family. I also know that there are virtual books for people at a distance to sign and leave messages. I’ve come to appreciate the importance of these artifacts.

Holidays prompt me to think about the old days, which prompts me to rummage around in my boxes of pictures and keepsakes. This rummaging caused me to find a Memory Book from Tapp Funeral Home in Providence, Kentucky, dated 1954.

My oldest sister, Retha Dare, was born in 1927 and passed away in September, 1954. She died in childbirth, delivering her fifth child. I was ten years old at the time and remember the occasion vividly. She was so young. After her fourth child she was told she should not have any more children; to do so would almost certainly endanger her own life and the life of the child. I remember being at her house frequently over the years. I was a nosy boy; still am. I remember seeing a sort of workbook filled with pictures and charts; she was trying to calculate her menstrual cycles. I now feel inextricable pain at what she must have gone through. It was 1954. We knew almost nothing about birth control. She got pregnant. She died. Fortunately her child lived. But five children, the oldest being 10 (10 days older than I), were left without a mother. They scattered to the wind.

As wrenching and anger provoking as this is,  given recent arguments about birth control and women’s choice, that’s not what I’m wondering about right now. It’s the Memory Book that has captured my imagination. And of course, given my mother’s penchant for taking pictures of folks, tucked away in the back of the book I found a picture negative of my sister in the casket. Blew my mind.

I’m looking at the names and remembering the people filing in, viewing my sister, sitting quietly for awhile, going out back to smoke, talking quietly, paying their respects to my family. Their names, faces, and voices pop out at me like old black and white movies: Nellie Rinehammer, Amanthus Lloyd, Mason Guess, Sidney Webb, Lindy Cullen, Strauther Harvey, Doy Lovan, Pearl Lovan, Grady Lovan (my grandmother) Virginia Clevenger, Don Ferguson, Les Gobin,  Teenie Stevens, Curtis Yarbrough, and on and on and on.

These faded signatures offer a testament to the fact that these people existed in that place at that time to mark the passing of my sister.

As an old man, I’ve come to love small towns, especially that small town of Providence, Kentucky, and especially as it exists, fixed in my memory, as jogged by such things as 60-year-old Memory Books.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Professors, Food Stamps, and Stories


I read an article recently about a number of professors who are receiving food stamps. My first reaction: Them damn liberal professors are at it again, feeding at the public trough. Then I thought, no, what this means is, like some of our military folks, there is another group of people who cannot make a living at their chosen profession. The proof is that their salaries are low enough for them to quality for the stamps.

While I’m appalled at both situations, it’s the professorial one that I’m wondering about right now. And this started me thinking about professors I have known.

At the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth I served as dean of Continuing Education for a spell. One evening I noticed a forty-something-year-old man sort of wandering around the reception area and looking uncomfortable. I struck up a conversation and found that he was a successful businessman in Southern New England. The man wanted to prove something to himself. Years ago, he had started college but never finished, and now wondered if he really had what it took to do college-level work. I recognized him as we talked, and knew him to be politically conservative with a strong sense of self-confidence, and a sense of humor. He ran a right-leaning morning talk show out of his diner—one of my favorite diners in the area. So, I suggested that he just take one course and see how it went. I suggested a rigorous course taught by a professor who was respected by students. He took my suggestion, and agreed to check back with me on the progress of the course.

A month later, the businessman walked into my office with a big smile on his face. “The professor is out of his mind, the course is great, I learned a lot, and thank you,” he said. Although he decided not to pursue a degree, the decision was made with confidence and for the right reasons; he knew he could handle whatever the University had to offer.

To me, this story epitomizes the best of what a professor can do. This professor, a left-leaning friend of mine, was a practicing Irishman, president of the American Federation of Teachers union at UMassD,  who took me on several Irish drinking tours of Fall River, Massachusetts—wonderful experiences by the way; he was a master story teller and politician in the best sense of that word. He was witty, engaging, and loved to challenge his students. His long career provided for a marginal retirement income.

There are lots of these people out there. A friend of mine grew up in South Boston, the son of factory workers. I watched him engage freshman English students, students who had difficulty reading and writing, students who had not survived in college elsewhere, students for whom this college experience was their last hope. This professor could relate. They learned. He is now Poet Laureate of New Hampshire, still teaching, now at Goddard College. His income has never been anywhere near commensurate with his status, but he is a professional who does what he loves.

Two friends retired from a major pharmaceutical company and now are professors at a large community college, he teaching mathematics, she English. Both teach at what used to be called a “remedial” level, and although the adjective has changed the reality has not. The students come to the school with serious issues of all kinds—physical, professional, personal—and professors charged with helping them do not stop at the mathematical and reading/writing concerns. It’s impossible. So, these professionals from the “other real world” of corporate America now are professionals dealing with the “real world” of  higher education and changing peoples’ lives. They do not dare calculate how much money they earn per hour, but they are professionals who love what they do.

Lots of stories. Not every professor is on food stamps, but I've never known a wealthy professor. Of course, I've never been allowed to know ivied professors--wonder if they are rich. Not every professor will take you on an Irish drinking tour of Fall River, either, and that's too bad indeed. 

But they all have stories to tell. 

I’m wondering if there is a need to start a new blog, something along the lines of “Fears, Tears, and Beers: Professors’ Stories” to chronicle these stories. Friend John LaNear and I are planning to do so soon, and will be looking for real stories from real, underpaid, overworked professionals who love what they do and want to share some stories from their “real worlds”.

Stay tuned.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Ode to My Momma


Rough and calloused fingers,
Tobacco stained and strong.
Eyes that hinted of stories
Past and present.
Twinkling eyes that promised
Dirty jokes, joy, and warmth.
My mother was vibrantly alive.

She never told me a dirty joke.
I was her floating tumor,
Or so the doctor had promised,
When late in life she found herself
Accidentally with child.
Her only boy
Was not to be told dirty jokes.

Iced tea was the only vice she practiced.
Except for her Pall Malls, of course.
She stored the others away
For the same reason she never sat down to supper.
She was the giver.
She was the server.
Never the taker.
Never the served.

I was not a good son.
She was a good mother.
Seeing the barriers I erected,
Seeing the barricades I constructed,
Seeing my crossed arms and eyes,
Accepting my behavior without blaming
Herself or me,
She continued to give and love.

She lived to see her floating tumor’s baby boy.
Her first airplane ride, exciting and fun,
Created good stories,
Incidental to holding her son’s son.

My mother passed away 
Too soon afterward.
Cigarette in one hand, phone in the other.
Dirty joke singing in the phone lines.